Sunday's sermon was -- Forgive Your Enemies.
Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked,"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% of the congregation held up their hands.
The minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
"Mrs.. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs.. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight." she replied.
"Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the Congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

Two women came before a wise king, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they argued before the king until he called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said the king, "and I shall cut the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds real good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to cut him in two!" exclaimed the king's advisor.

"Indeed," said wise the king. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law!".

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Native American woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the woman. but, the old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw - studying every little detail - until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, " Oh, thats a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

The elderly Native American woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade".