Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right? Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh ! no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
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Tech support:
Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
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And last but not least:....

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Funny story. A few years ago, right after my divorce, I decided to use an internet dating service to sort of ease back into the dating pool , anyhoo, I am searching through the eligible males that meet my critria when what to my wondrous eyes should appear??? but my dear EX hubby! LOL LOL LOL I am rolling on the floor with fits of laughter, there he is with OUR dog in his pic. (and honestly, I was a bit mortified too). Then I get this brilliant idea to contact him, using my fake cyber name of course. I thought I could string him along, (cuz, jeez! I know all of his strengths and weaknesses ) and I thought I could get more info about why he divorced me than he was giving the real me. But in the end, I decided against contacting him, however, I did spy on him and for a few weeks. That story still make s me giggle, and I never did tell him that it happened.
Oh, by the way, the S.O. and I met on DIFFERENT internet dating service. The S.O lovingly calls it: Snatch.com instead of match.com

Ok, Ok, don't tell anybody that I am on here! The S.O. just left to take his daughter home (remind me again why God felt it necessary to have teenagers? Oh, it was a joke to play on us mere weak mortals? Not laughing. ) Naw, just kidding, she is very quiet and you hardly know that she is here except that one computer is tied up for the entire weekend while she IM's her friends about her lousy life at her dads house. (Now I am laughing!!!! )
Anyhoo, the S.O. left me with an "assignment" . I am SUPPOSED to be sanding and scraping the kitchen walls to make them nice and smooth in preparation for a new paint job. I don't wanna!!! Can't they just look textured in some areas? Can't we just PAY somebody to do this crappy stuff? AND the S.O. tore out a tiled shower; and he had the mulch dumped in the driveway; and he ordered carpeting for our cold upstairs bedroom (which means that room has to be emptied); and he took the fender off his car after an SUV ever so sweetly made him "kiss" the guardrail; and he needs to stop with the MULTIPLE projects already!!!!!! Oh, shit! I think I hear the garage door. Must look busy, where is that drywall dust to put in my hair and a smear on my cheek? Gotta go!

Update: We got the walls done (they don't look too hot in a couple of spots)- looking into different design ideas to hide that fact; we painted the ceiling, we also got the first coat of primer on. Only one good thing about a kitchen project... we get to eat out until it's done!!!!

Remember - - -
"STRESSED"
spelled backwards is
" DESSERTS "