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My mindlessness


 My kind of math!!!!!
 


Posted by Kelly J at 10:25 PM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 What are we?
 

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they went to the nearest Church. But, only the Janitor was there.

One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the Janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then He said, "You are now baptized!".

"When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said,
"We're not Kathlick, because they pour the water on you."
"We're not Babtis, because they dunk all of you in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, because they just sprinkle water on you."

The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?"

"I think it means we're Pisscopailians.
Posted by Kelly J at 6:27 PM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 A man and his wishes.
 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be
$9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,
sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

Posted by Kelly J at 9:42 PM - 1 Comment   Add a Comment  
 

 Uhhhhhhhhh............
 

The wife is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. The husband walks in.

Wife turns and says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

Husband's eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"

She explains, "The egg timer's broken."
Posted by Kelly J at 10:29 AM - No Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 New Boss......................
 

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's"

Posted by Kelly J at 9:37 PM - 1 Comment   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: Kelly J
From the state I'm in, USA
 
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