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My mindlessness


 Just a couple of jokes
 

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well for my age".
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?"


A Blonds year in Review:

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh"..... Bottles won't fit in typewriter ! ! !

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out ! ! !

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets ! ! !

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast-stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms ! ! !

August - Got locked out of car in rainstorm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - Lost a TV quiz show. The capital of California is C".....isn't it ? ? ?

October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said one hour per pound and I weigh 108 ! ! !

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button On the phone ! ! !

What a year ! !
Posted by Kelly J at 8:05 PM - 3 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Add a quote or thought that helps you get by
 

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt
Posted by Kelly J at 8:04 AM - 5 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Coincidence????
 

This was in the recently updated blogs on Tuesday morning.
Note the "Does God Exist?" blog and then the blog directly under it.... this coincidence of one blog title asking a question and then the next one with the answer just struck me.

• Momma Never Told Me 0m
• Does God Exist? 1m
• Heck Yes! 1m
• Kaz'skomments 1m

Posted by Kelly J at 11:24 AM - 5 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 A Valentine history lesson
 



The origins of Valentine's Day trace back to the ancient Roman celebration of Lupercalia. Held on February 15, Lupercalia honored the gods Lupercus and Faunus, as well as the legendary founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus.
In addition to a bountiful feast, Lupercalia festivities are purported to have included the pairing of young women and men. Men would draw women's names from a box, and each couple would be paired until next year's celebration.

While this pairing of couples set the tone for today's holiday, it wasn't called "Valentine's Day" until a priest named Valentine came along. Valentine, a romantic at heart, disobeyed Emperor Claudius II's decree that soldiers remain bachelors. Claudius handed down this decree believing that soldiers would be distracted and unable to concentrate on fighting if they were married or engaged. Valentine defied the emperor and secretly performed marriage ceremonies. As a result of his defiance, Valentine was put to death on February 14.

After Valentine's death, he was named a saint. As Christianity spread through Rome, the priests moved Lupercalia from February 15 to February 14 and renamed it St. Valentine's Day to honor Saint Valentine.


What's Cupid Got to Do with It?

According to Roman mythology, Cupid was the son of Venus, the goddess of love and beauty. Cupid was known to cause people to fall in love by shooting them with his magical arrows. But Cupid didn't just cause others to fall in love - he himself fell deeply in love.

As legend has it, Cupid fell in love with a mortal maiden named Psyche. Cupid married Psyche, but Venus, jealous of Psyche's beauty, forbade her daughter-in-law to look at Cupid. Psyche, of course, couldn't resist temptation and sneaked a peek at her handsome husband. As punishment, Venus demanded that she perform three hard tasks, the last of which caused Psyche's death.

Cupid brought Psyche back to life and the gods, moved by their love, granted Pysche immortality. Cupid thus represents the heart and Psyche the (struggles of the) human soul.

Fun Facts

Approximately 1 billion Valentine's Day cards are sent each year. Half of those are sent through Care2 (OK, maybe not HALF... or even half of half... but we are growing fast!)

In order of popularity, Valentine's Day cards are given to: teachers, children, mothers, wives, sweethearts, Koko the gorilla.

The expression "wearing your heart on your sleeve" comes from a Valentine's Day party tradition. Young women would write their names on slips of paper to be drawn by young men. A man would then wear a woman's name on his sleeve to claim her as his valentine.


Posted by Kelly J at 8:21 AM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Too late for me........
 

Day in and day out
Better be careful
what you do
It's traveling around the world
The "Internet Spread"
will catch up with you

Many years ago...
before the computer
came around
This ailment called
"Internet Spread"
was nowhere to be found

Now from morning to night
People are there...
You know where....
In front of computers
sitting on a chair

That chair will do it to you
every time
You know what I have found
It'll make your bottom
really round

You can try to sit
a little more to the left
or a little more to the right
Instead of just flat
That still won't keep
your backside firm and tight

I guess you can stand
for a while
Like an hour or two
Then the muscles
back there drop
Yep...that's just what
they do

This is what happens
It all goes saggy
Next thing you know
you got a fanny that's baggy

This is the truth
If it's something
you dread
Don't sit in front
of the computer
Or you'll get
"Internet Spread"

Disclaimer: Not my original work- copied from an internet site!!!!!
Posted by Kelly J at 11:46 AM - 5 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: Kelly J
From the state I'm in, USA
 
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