Social Security
The first person to receive monthly benefits was Ida May Fuller from Vermont, who retired in November 1939 and started collecting benefits in January 1940 at age 65. In the three years that Fuller worked under the program, she contributed a total of $24.75. Her first benefit check was for $22.54 and she went on collecting benefits for 35 years, until 1975, when she died at age 100. In this time she collected a total of $22,888.92.

OMG!

Husbands note on refrigerator to wife:

Someone from the Guyna Colleges called.
They said the Pabst beer is normal.
I didn't know you liked beer!
Love, Henry

I am still working, but I cut back and I spend the days with my granddaughter. I have FOREVER to work, but her childhood is fleeting and the time can not be retrieved. We are forging a bond that will last our lifetimes. My work will not remember me the day after I leave, but she will carry me in her heart and actions long after I am gone from this Earth.

1. Your house plants are healthy, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&%&@#ing kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21.You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"

Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.


27 is: you buy arthritis strength for arthritis not a hangover.
by proud to be an American

28: When you here a rolling stones song on the oldies station!!!
by Baygirl

29: Or how about when they START calling you sir or mame (sp)!!!Gee, thanks for being so respectful!!!
by MaryElizabeth

Let us be grateful to people
who make us happy;
they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

~ Marcel Proust

The best and most
beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.

~ Helen Keller