Two women came before a wise king, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they argued before the king until he called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said the king, "and I shall cut the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds real good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to cut him in two!" exclaimed the king's advisor.

"Indeed," said wise the king. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law!".

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Native American woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the woman. but, the old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw - studying every little detail - until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the white bag and said, " Oh, thats a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

The elderly Native American woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade".

"To every thing there is a season, and time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace." - The Bible, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds"

The next morning, Mark got up really early before work.
When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out
the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped
box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.